Why I hate Nigerians

Ok maybe I don't totally hate Nigerians but I really really hate having to engage in any business deals with people that I call "overt Nigerians". The guy that answers his phone and proceeds to greet you in Yoruba (a Nigerian language) just because he hears your name is Tunde. The guy that goes all "my brother this" and "my brother that". Anytime I go against my natural instincts (or I am forced by circumstances) to use these guys, things inevitably go awry.

The latest moron that I had to deal with was the DJ for last saturday's Ikomo ceremony (baby outing) for our twins. Not being a party guy, I asked a friend of ours for recommendation and he recommended this dude (I'll call him DJ-certainly-not-christmas aka DJCNC). So my wife set things up with DJCNC to do 2 things:

• DJ the party
• arrive (like the other vendors) at 7pm to set up since the party starts @ 8pm

For these 2 things, this dude's fee was $100 per hour. I don't know what DJs go for these days but $100 per hour is not chicken change (I might have even been fleeced but we didn't have the luxury of time to shop around much). I sent him a check for a $200 deposit and he cashed the check. So now I knew we had a DJ for the event.

Fast forward to Saturday evening around 5pm-ish...we are setting up the hall. The photographer is setting up his equipment and he overhears us saying DJCNC is our DJ. So he says to me:

"Are you sure DJCNC is your DJ? I know he is playing in Fort Washington right now"

My first thought was "oh shit! We forgot to finalize with the DJ!". Then I remember that he had cashed my check.

Me: "Oh really? Are you sure we are talking about the same guy...his name is [real name redacted]"

Photographer: "Yes. My partner is working with him right now and they are playing at a Nigerian party"

Me: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'll call him"

So I spent the next hour and half trying to reach this DJ to no avail. His phone was immediately going to voicemail which meant 1 of 3 things:

• his phone was dead
• his phone was turned off
• he was screening his calls

So now I am royally pissed. It's 8pm and guests are already arriving. Everything is in place except for the DJ. We are now playing a 1-sided phone tag where I'll call him, leave a message and find out from my photographer's partner that the DJ is still in Fort Washington (30 minutes away). So I call my brother-in-law who is a part time DJ. I tell him "please please bring your DJ equipment".

To cut a very long story short, the DJ arrives just as my brother-in-law was unloading his DJ equipment. DJCNC walks in, doesn't apologize and asks "Do you want me to set up?" I am like "hell yeah you f**king idiot! Do you think I send $200 checks to random people for no reason?". Outwardly, I tried to remain calm ('cos you don't want him playing shitty music) and told him to set up. I also made him aware that he was 2.5 hours late (he arrived at 9:25pm instead of 7). He gave me some bullshit excuse that were obvious lies but I didn't call him on it.

At the end of the party, I decided to pay him for 3 hours work even though he only worked for 2.5 hours. And still the dude didn't apologize once for

• being horrendously late
• being incommunicado

Fortunately, everything else went well. As for DJCNC, his performance wasn't earth-shatteringly good. Even without the lateness issue, I doubt that I would have referred him to others. Add in his lateness...well you have this blog which is a definite anti-recommendation. If you need a DJ for your party, DJCNC isn't your guy.